I’ve been beating myself up recently. Figuratively, of course. I go through stretches of time (from a few days to a few weeks) where I struggle internally with not being productive enough, not being good enough (insert any subject here), not being (blank) enough, yada, yada…. I’ve noticed in the last few months that blogland fuels those internal demons. I read other blogs and think, “wow, look at everything she got accomplished this week! And what did I do? My sewing machine didn’t even get turned on this week! I haven’t baked anything in weeks! Why do I even bother.” Why do we find that we have to compare ourselves to others? Especially other women? Aren’t we all struggling to find a balance between our responsibilities and our “life”? Can’t we just support ourselves and each other by saying, “wow, isn’t that great? I’m so inspired by her, I’m going to see what I can get done with my 15 minutes of free time this week!” Instead, I feel a little bit like the Flying Geese in the block I made for Victoria last week, going around in circles!
I don’t have children, and that makes me feel even more inadequate. Many of the women I follow here in blogland have kids to balance, too, and they still find time to do creative things, to bake, to craft, and to BLOG ABOUT IT! I don’t have kids, but I have worked to support myself for the past 20 years, most of those years working more than one job at a time to make ends meet, because there was no partner to help pay the bills. I currently work outside the home 42-50 hours a week and spend 2.5-3.5 hours a week commuting. Why can’t I give myself a break for that demand on my time? Why do I have to feel inadequate because I can’t do as much as my neighbor seems to do? Why do I have to compare myself to her at all? Whay can’t I lift her up because of her great accomplishments and be proud of my own at the same time? So, I’m turning over a new leaf, so to speak… I’m going to try and focus on what I accomplish everyday, not what I didn’t get done. And, most importantly, I’m going to try not to compare myself to anyone else. I am enough. I do enough. I have enough. It is enough.
Tonight, I have a little bit of time to myself, and I’m going to play with these gorgeous shot cottons and create something for Rita. And if that’s all I accomplish this week, that will be enough.